As many of you know, my son left this world on March 16, 2008. I shared my pain and wrote a tribute to my son. I so appreciate the condolences and love that came my way in our time of loss. As each day passes and I grieve, I also celebrate the beauty of my son and all that he was. I wanted to share some of the sweetness of who he was and bring to you the presence and nature of this sweet boy. I feel that you deserve to know him better and that it will be a way of saying thank you for helping me through this time.
These photos are from an album that Chris had next to his bed. They are a collection of photos that he put together himself and represent how he saw himself and the people he loved.
Chris wrote on this photo on the back "When you think of me, remember this picture. I was happy, healthy and full of life when this was taken. I remember it well. First fish on my Scott rod, with a fly I tied myself. First time!"
Chris was such a sweet child. He loved his big sister very much and always wanted to be with her. He followed her around and always thought of her in everything he did. When we would be out somewhere and someone would give him something...a piece of candy or other little thing....he would always ask "Can I have one for my sister." Of course, he was always a bother to his sister, Stacy. As is so often the case with siblings, they were close however and pretty much where ever Stacy was.....Christopher was near by. When his sister went away to college, he followed her down to Cal Poly...San Luis Obispo and her friends became his friends.
He was quite the athlete and played soccer and went to Far Westerns in the backstroke 400 meter races. He had so much heart and he was a natural. He would often times after the race....exit the pool to walk to the side of the pool for bushes that he could throw up in. That's how hard he pushed himself. In soccer as goalie....he knew no fear and scared me constantly on the amazing dives and saves he made. He was so fearless in life.
He was a fly fisherman extraordinaire and poetry in motion. He was such a natural, knowing and understanding the hunting aspect of the true fly fisherman. He read the "River Why", "The Complete Angler" and other beautiful books on fly fishing. We knew the best days of our lives up in the "high country" of Yosemite fishing the rivers and creeks. We had all of nature around us and we three knew the connection to all things. We are so blessed to have these memories. I live them each day in my heart and hold on to them. It was the best of times.
He was a connoisseur of eclectic music and loved jazz. He taught me about music and found those beautiful old jazz songs that I loved. I couldn't enjoy the more progressive jazz but he was good at finding music for me that opened up my world to Latin and music from Cuba. He love to play guitar and taught himself. He lived for music.
This photo is of Chris' brothers, Joel McIntosh and Donnie McIntosh. My daughter is married to Joel. Joel was Chris' best friend and he was adopted by the McIntosh brothers and referred to as a brother. He loved them all very much. Joel was the only other person that I believe Chris was as close to as he was to me. He would have done anything for his brothers. Chris is in the middle, Joel to the right and Donnie to the left.
He love fish. When he was little....for some reason I bought him a fish tank. As I now remember, he was afraid of the dark and so I thought if we had a fish tank with a light that he it would help him not be afraid. It worked as I remember. We fixed it up so cute with a treasure chest and a diver that went up and down and we put plastic plants and had a good back ground picture on the tank...it was little tank but very magical and he loved it so. At night it was so charming. Well, all his life he loved to have fish tanks and became quite the expert on fish and growing live plants. He has a book of all the details he kept track of and a day-by-day account of all the fish and plants and how they thrived. I should publish the book.
This photo of me is when I was pregnant with Stacy. I do not know why he chose this photo of me.
He was such a thoughtful person. He always watched me to see how he could help me. I would come home and he would have cooked dinner or cooked food for my lunches. He did most of the grocery shopping for our family in order to help me. He did all the yard work for us and tired so hard to be responsible and helpful.
You can see how much we resembled each other. This is a photo of me as a young girl. I have many photos of Chris that look like me. There is a photo of me in a formal at the piano and it looks like Chris in a formal. We were pretty much two peas in a pod.
I don't know exactly how or when we lost him. I am not going to focus on
that for now. I probably have a book to write about this beautiful boy and how we lost him. He has touched many people and it will become important for me to tell the story of Christopher in the hopes that it might help another family save their child.
I appreciate all the love and care that came my way in the days of late. You were kind and I appreciate it. I just wanted to share my boy with you. It is a gift from me to you. Thank you from my heart.
This photo captures the real Chris. This was a smile that was constant. I shall see him in my mind's eye with this smile for the rest of my days on this earth. This is my beautiful boy.
These photos were in an album next to Chris' bed and represent the loves of his life. He left them to me as a legacy and wrote the legacy on the first photo above. I love him so and I shall forever be richer for having had this beautiful boy in my life. Thank you all from my heart which is so filled with love. I have created a blog in memory of Christopher and in the hopes that it will be a place where people can share and find some comfort.

Jeanean, my heart aches for your loss, yet celebrates with you at the beauty of your son and all that he brought (and still brings) to your life.
Your son was a true blessing. Bless you and your family.
Jeanean - I missed this and I'm so sorry!! I can't even let myself imagine the place you are in right now. It's too painful to try. I'm crying for you. My heart is broken for you.
Beautiful boy
I will visualize the white light of peace around his soul and around your heart. I will pray that you reach a point of healing and calm. Just breathe, Jeanean, just breathe.
Jeanean, I had missed this about your son. I don't even know what to say. We have twin boys turning 32 next month and I can't even imagine the pain of losing one.
You are in my prayers. And just know that God has a special place for his special children. Your son may have suffered in this world but rest assured he suffers no more. He is now a prince in the Kingdom that matters.
Jeanean - My heartfelt condolences and prayers are being sent your way and heaven-ward. I am so very sorry for your loss of Christoper.
I'm looking forward to reading more about Christopher and celebrating his life with you. Thank you for sharing him where he lives, in your heart.
Jackie
Jeanean, I found this post after reading Jasons week of tributes! I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I can only imagine, and I don't even want to think about it. A son and his mother are very close. I know, I have two sons and my heart would be breaking right now as yours clearly is. I think that joining a grief counseling group is a wonderful idea. This is one of those times that you must reach out and get help! And what a heartfelt tribute to a son that must have given you years of pleasure! Memories can be very painful, but they can also be a blessing. Hold them close.
My sincere condolences.
Dear Friends,
I continue to thank each and every one of you for your kindness and words of condolence and hope. I am feeling more integrated each day with allowing this thing that has happened to us. I feel his presence in my heart and in all I do. I still get tears at times I am not expecting...however I am doing better. We were so close in life that I am feeling that closeness come as I accept this change. He will always be with me. Every smile I have and each kindness and love that comes from my heart is born of the love I had for my beautiful son and the joy, kindness and love he had for me. I am so blessed to have had this beautiful soul in my life. I shall devote my life to selfless service and love for all things. I just can't reply on an individual basis. I do appreciate every comment and I take each one into my heart.
Thank you so much for your kind words.
Another beautiful post about your lovely son. You keep bringing my cousin Silas to my mind, not that he's ever far from it. He was such a good, kind person and fought his mental illness so hard. Thank you for sharing this wonderful person with us.
Jeanean, My heart breaks for you and the pain you are going through. I did not know until now about your loss. What a wonderful relationship you had with Chris. You showed him unconditional live and compassion, God bless you. Take comfort in knowing that Chris is whole and free and walking in joy and peace.
I am sending you a big hug, take care
Ginger